My 2nd day as a guard.
So I am still a trainee as an officer at my local hospital. We are understaffed and since I am not officially a guard yet, I cannot be accounted to do anything but shadow the other officers. Well yesterday I had the chance to do something on my own.
On the usual training I am showed the buildings and how to go through them to make sure there is no problems such as someone stealing something or a fire. Occasionally we do however get someone who may need to be restrained or simply kept in their room.
It just so happened that I got to see this upfront. We were understaffed that day, and durring the second half of my shift I volunteered to watch this lady and make sure she didn’t leave the room. For the next 5 hours seemed to be the most entertaining hours I have had in a long time.
I arrived in the emergency room when one of the nurses told me that the particular room had a woman who was intoxicated and could not leave until someone came to get her. I looked at the door, which was closed at the time and thought, simple enough right? The door swung open and there stood my conversationalist for many hours to come.
The woman was elderly, in her 40’s and sounded like the possessed woman from the poltergeist. Her body was warn and her tattoo’s told stories of many harsh times.
I explained to her, ma’am you cant leave. She responded with a “I’m not trying to leave” as she leaned around the door. I stood there casually and she eventually wobbled back to her bed. She then fumbled around her pockets to see if she could find her cigarettes. This is of course where the story begins.
Through her mumbling, she eventually started yelling at me, asking for things. I of course only have one job, to get her to stay, but in my nature I felt as if I needed to help. She requested a blanket, and I turned to the nearest person and asked for her nurse. The nurse came, and I asked if she could have a blanket. Anything to solve a problem is better than having that problem. The nurse walked away and a blanket was never seen.
Eventually the doctor came to me, explained the situation. She has been there before.. they called her a “professional drinker” from the amount of booze she was able to contain. The doctor tells me that she blew a 4.0 last time she was here.. anything above a 6 is deadly and 0.8 is intoxicated.
I laughed, coming from a family of ex drinkers, I am more than able to deal with her kind.
The doctor asks her a bunch of questions, she mumbles answers and gets most of them wrong. Do you know who I am? Yes. Who? I don’t know. Do you know where you are? No, where am I? The Emergency room.
The doctor steps out of the room, I ask him for a blanket, he tells me no problem. The doctor never comes back with a blanket.
She fusses and eventually about a half hour of me standing there, I need a seat. I steal one from her room and sit outside the room. Our conversation begins. She tells me “you must have the most boring job in the world, what are you doing anyhow?” “Well im making sure you don’t leave… that was what I was told”
She gets to talking about her blanket needs again, and I tell her I have requested a blanket from many people, and I cant get her one because it is my job to stay at this door. She laughs and mumbles something about doctors.
Eventually she works around to telling me her life story. I find out that the cops came to her house, picked her up, deemed her drunk and brought her there. She is without keys or smokes or any of her belongings. She tells me she was cleaning house and they just showed up. Im sure thats how it happened.
People come in to check her vitals, taking blood, urine, and pulses. She is very relaxed about it, telling the nurse that the needle wont bother her, and she can deal with the pain. I once again ask if she can get a blanket. The nurse turns around in the room, opens the door below the sink and inside a mound of blankets is unearthed.
At this time she falls asleep. I however am still standing by, just in case something happens. My trainer comes by and relieves me so I can get lunch while she sleeps. The cafeteria doesn’t take credit or debit, I wish I would have known that before checkout.
Of course this wasn’t the only need. Its about 7 p.m. now and she is getting kind of hungry. This being only my second day I am not sure how they deal with food, so I ask if they have anything for her to eat..once again I get the run around instead of a clear cut answer. Hours pass before anyone gets her some food. Entertaining hours however.
At this time, shifts are changing. We are introduced to a new secretary at the desk closest to us. This is a large man that our story teller likes to call “bubble butt.” At this point she asks me to look at his butt, I burst out laughing and tell her I don’t want to. She laughs back at me and tells me its what girls do…interesting. She then tells me that he most likely wears thongs after a 20 minute word find inside her brain. I am not sure if “bubble butt” ever heard what she said, but it was damn entertaining.
She goes on again about her life, and how no one calls her by her first name. Instead she is known as butch. I am not sure how she got that one but I’m sure I could take a guess. She tells me how she was just in jail for beating a guys ass, this I got another kick out of.
Eventually I grew bored, and she grew hazy. She picked up a magazine and started to read it, and talk about the models in it and how she cant understand why they wear dresses and things. The complains are strange because as I watch her from the corner of my eye, I see her rip out a page with jewelry on it. Perhaps there’s a lady in there somewhere.
Eventually her boyfriend comes to get her.. time is money is his mantra. She is quick to be released because he is “losing money” being there.
Eventually they go home and I am free to move again.
I am sure there are totally more interesting moments to come.
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